Dead Inside

I meant to write this a while ago, when we got a case of a toddler beaten to death by mom’s boyfriend. Then I was momentarily distracted by some other, more mundane homicides, and then yesterday there was another toddler beaten to death by mom’s boyfriend AND mom. I am the only one at work…


Autopsy Explained

No, I don’t mean the entire procedure. I mean what you can expect when you make a funeral arrangement for someone who has been autopsied. Different counties and states have different methods of performing an autopsy. Most people know the trunk of the body is split open with the classic Y incision, but most autopsies…


The Bloody Band-Aid

I save everything. In my closets, boxes and files you can find baby clothes my grandmother wore, letters I got from my dad when I was in preschool, and string I got for Christmas twenty years ago as a joke gift. Most people don’t. It’s rare to find someone that has even one photo album,…


It’s the “Live Without The One You Loved The Most” challenge!

I don’t know what the first “challenge” was, but I imagine it had something to do with conquering a physical feat. Weight loss, or a strength goal; perhaps finding the courage to enter a race or other athletic event. Then they started getting dumb. I remember a “challenge” involving swallowing a large spoonful of cinnamon;…


The Body We Didn’t Want Them To Find

I’ve been reading many news stories lately about funeral homes in trouble with the law for mishandling human remains – hiding them on the property rather than keeping them in refrigeration, usually because the families cannot afford to pay for the cremation or other arrangements. In my opinion, disrespect of a human body and refusal…


Bless Them on Memorial Day

Memorial Day, like St. Patrick’s Day, is a time for annoying douchebags to loudly proclaim their patriotism and pride in their roots, in between drinking and playing video games. But really, we should be remembering those who sacrificed for this country. I’ll ask for blessings for a few. God bless the Marine who finally made…


Death: The Great Equalizer

The internet, the greatest invention in the world, has probably ruined everyone’s life at least once. I’ve been fired, ridiculed, rejected and otherwise scorned because of things I have said on the internet or things other people have said about me. It happens. The good news is, because it happens to everyone at one point,…


When They Don’t Pay…Or The Check Bounces

I picked up my very first suicide a few months after I started in this business. I didn’t know he was a suicide until I unwrapped him and saw the electrical cord still around his neck. It made me cry. I was actually a sensitive person, long ago. It was just he and his mother,…


When Your Hobby Kills You

If you’re sick of dieting to lose weight, you can always eat rat poison. Your body temperature will soar and you will experience rapid weight loss just before you die. Many of you know I’m a competitive bodybuilder. I got into bodybuilding to get stronger for the mortuary business, and within my first year of…


Dead People and Disease

My last post prompted a few questions about what diseases one can catch from a dead body, so I will cover the most common concerns here. The dead are, almost always, no more dangerous than the living. Touching the intact skin of a dead body, even a body that has been dead for days, is…