What Scares Me

“I thought you said this kid was a homicide.” I had come to work expecting a gunshot-exploded face, a three-day job. Not a mark on the body. Perfectly intact head. Perhaps it was a mistake. “Stabbing. Right here.” He pointed out an almost indiscernible slit on the guy’s chest, between two ribs. Less than an…


I’ll Pray For You

Here’s a better idea: DO SOMETHING! Here are suggestions of things that will help a dying person or the recently bereaved. 40 Things More Useful Than Prayer 1. Give a cancer patient a ride to chemo 2. Clean the house of someone who is hospitalized, or buy them a month of maid service 3. Cook…


How Does One Lose A Human Body?

Where did you last see it? Retrace your steps. One of my employees called me today to tell me that the airline lost the body. It was shipped to a city that was an 8-hour drive from its intended destination. The funeral home in the wrong city then charged the pissed-off family to re-ship it…


About Organ Donation

It’s basically a huge scam. If you feel good about yourself because you signed up to be an organ donor, I am here to ruin your day. In order to donate organs, you have to specify this in a legal document – the “D” on your drivers license is not enough. Also, you need to…


Just Follow The Instructions

People are often surprised that I can cook. I never understood why. Can’t everyone? You just get a cookbook, get the ingredients and do what the recipe says. Except it doesn’t always work that way. Ten people following the same recipe will produce a dish that slightly varies in ten different ways. I don’t know…


Best Reason Ever to Walk Off the Job

Many people come to work for us after we have helped them with their own personal tragedy. We become a part of their family in a way, so they might take a job helping out on removals, doing hair, or working in the office. One hairdresser who came to work for us this way said…


Remembering Harley

The one who was there through The Bad Years. I think I’ll eat one of his favorite grilled cheese sandwiches tonight. (Slideshow below) This was our favorite band. There’s things inside that scream and shout.


He Didn’t Want The Job

The funeral service profession needs people. We especially need young people. We are a profession made up largely of overweight alcoholics aged 60+, many of whom are bored and jaded with the job after getting pushed into the family business. They are often unable to lift and just plain don’t feel like working on Christmas…


Worse Than The Screams

The silence.


Never Say No?

I recently read an article called “Five Things a Funeral Director Should Never Say” which seemed to center on not saying no to various things a family might request. http://connectingdirectors.com/articles/45870-5-things-a-funeral-director-should-never-say The author, Ryan Thomgartin, has many people commenting that he must not be a funeral director himself if this is truly how he expects us…