Abuses animals.

Steals hubcaps.

Beats his wife.

Is a convicted felon.

Does cocaine.

Hopefully your house doesn’t suck this much. I promise this has a point. I’m about ready to do another bodybuilding show tomorrow…well, technically it’s a bikini show because I’ve lost, unintentionally, 30 lbs and would not do well in the bodybuilding division. I’ve kept this show plan off social media just so I can shock them with my brand-new body, not in the class they were expecting me.

And, no one on that stage next to me in their sparkly bikinis, hair extensions, huge earrings and surgically enhanced bodies would ever guess that a few years ago, I was a very ripped, black-haired jacked bodybuilder who was constantly mistaken for a man on the phone had 15″ biceps and wore studded black vinyl on stage. The tiny-waisted, 105 lb girl with the purple-streaked blond hair and the pink metallic bikini is not recognizable by anyone who knew me in 2012.

They would also not know if I’ve done some really horrible things in my life, which I will not confirm or deny. Nor do I know anything of what they may have done. Bodybuilding is often a refuge for convicted felons, former drug addicts, and juvenile delinquents. For some of these people, bodybuilding is a positive experience and a way to turn their lives around. For others, it’s a way to connect with other fuckups and do more damage.

Tomorrow I could be standing next to a prostitute, or a nurse who steals drugs from patients. A single mother who left her baby home alone so she could do the show. Someone high on speed. Someone who only showed up to sell speed. I’ll never know. But I know each of these hypothetical women could also find something to judge about me.

This is very similar to those who care for the dead. We do not know everything about who they are. We may be taking care of the body of a pedophile, or a murderer, or a gang member. Actually I know for certain I have worked on all three. It truly does not matter. I take care of human remains. When they are dead, they are no longer whatever bad thing they once became.

My alarm is set to go off in two hours. I never sleep the night before a show. It’s an incredibly emotional experience.

If tomorrow I end up losing to a convicted child torturer…well, if she had a better body, then I guess I need to work harder.

The internet has ruined many friendships because of differences in beliefs; in judgments of what is unforgivable. I am certain we are all friends with someone who holds values and beliefs we would find repugnant; perhaps has committed truly heinous actions. Before the Internet, such friendships could continue. You just don’t be all offensive with the people who don’t like offensive stuff.

Except now we can’t ignore that. Someone can post an offensive photo of human remains, for example, and I can block that person, but someone else can still forward the photo and it will show up in my news feed, and I don’t want to have to block people I have known for a long time and talk to on a daily basis. So I find out a lot of things about people that I wish I hadn’t known.

But this is the way it always be, and I believe it is pointless to wonder about what a dead guy might have done 50 years ago, or what some athlete was doing when she was on the street, or what sorts of sick thoughts people have when they go home. I’m sure I’ll be buried near many people who would not have liked me, had they known me.

It will not matter.