Memorial Day, like St. Patrick’s Day, is a time for annoying douchebags to loudly proclaim their patriotism and pride in their roots, in between drinking and playing video games.

But really, we should be remembering those who sacrificed for this country. I’ll ask for blessings for a few.

God bless the Marine who finally made it to #387 on the mental health wait list before he killed himself.

God bless the homeless veteran whose alcoholism destroyed his life, while the taxpayers who never served in the military tell him to quit drinking and get a job. No doubt they are aware that alcoholism requires a medically supervised detox and that quitting drinking can literally kill you.

God bless the single mother buying her kids ice cream with food stamps to celebrate their daddy’s birthday after he was killed in combat. That slut! That welfare leech!

God bless the minimum wage worker who was told she would be fired if she took time off work to put flowers on her husband’s grave in the national cemetery.

God bless the soldier whose PTSD disability claim was denied because he did not see combat; his disorder began after he was raped by several of his Army buddies. At age 30, he now uses a colostomy bag.

God bless those who are naive enough to think the military actually pays for funerals.

God bless every mother who has given her son body armor for Christmas because the military did not consider that a necessary expense.

God bless those who would literally kill anyone who defiled the American flag, while looking the other way at the poor treatment of American people.

God bless the VA doctor who decided that a 22-year-old female veteran’s multi-organ tumors were in no way related to her two Iraqi tours.

God bless every VA doctor who has discharged a patient on the brink of death so the hospital would not have to pay benefits.

God bless my own mother who refused to allow me to join the Army at age seventeen.